Motherhood in the face of stigma: challenges faced by women who sell sex
Many women have to make complex decisions around becoming mothers or face challenges when they have children – this includes women who sell or exchange sex.
For instance, the 2023 Encompass Snapshot found that over half of the 53 women selling or exchanging sex supported by specialist services in Scotland had children. And a recent survey we conducted with support services revealed that pregnancy was the second main support need women who sell or exchange sex required from services in relation to motherhood. The first one was around children removed from their care.
While women in general face huge pressures and expectations when it comes to motherhood, for women in the ‘sex industry’ these can be amplified due to the inequality and stigma they face. As Sherri, a woman interviewed by BBC News, said: "on the one hand you're doing this [selling sex] to support your kids, but on the other hand if anyone finds out they'll treat you like a bad mother."
In this article, we explore some of the challenges women who sell or exchange sex face in relation to motherhood. We consider the different aspects of this experience – from family planning, pregnancy and birth to childcare and having children placed in care.
Inequality as a pathway for mothers into selling sex
As we highlighted in our Money & Poverty insights, women are the most impacted by poverty and economic crises, and this is particularly felt by single mothers. One Parent Families recently highlighted that single mothers are living with increased debt and little in the way of savings, and they are more likely to become homeless, experience in-work poverty, and be unemployed.
Not only that, but mothers in Scotland have also to deal with some of the highest childcare costs in the world, and for those who are separated from the other parent, there is a likelihood that they will not receive child maintenance payments from their ex-partner (according to stats by the National Audit Office). The Scottish Women Budget group has also reported that unaffordable childcare is one of the main reasons women in Scotland tend to reduce their working hours or give up work entirely.
It is this lack of affordable, flexible and accessible childcare paired with financial instability and few job options that can fit around childcare arrangements that women have cited as some of the reasons they felt compelled to started selling sex. A woman responding to our motherhood survey said:
For instance, the 2023 Encompass Snapshot found that over half of the 53 women selling or exchanging sex supported by specialist services in Scotland had children. And a recent survey we conducted with support services revealed that pregnancy was the second main support need women who sell or exchange sex required from services in relation to motherhood. The first one was around children removed from their care.
While women in general face huge pressures and expectations when it comes to motherhood, for women in the ‘sex industry’ these can be amplified due to the inequality and stigma they face. As Sherri, a woman interviewed by BBC News, said: "on the one hand you're doing this [selling sex] to support your kids, but on the other hand if anyone finds out they'll treat you like a bad mother."
In this article, we explore some of the challenges women who sell or exchange sex face in relation to motherhood. We consider the different aspects of this experience – from family planning, pregnancy and birth to childcare and having children placed in care.
Inequality as a pathway for mothers into selling sex
As we highlighted in our Money & Poverty insights, women are the most impacted by poverty and economic crises, and this is particularly felt by single mothers. One Parent Families recently highlighted that single mothers are living with increased debt and little in the way of savings, and they are more likely to become homeless, experience in-work poverty, and be unemployed.
Not only that, but mothers in Scotland have also to deal with some of the highest childcare costs in the world, and for those who are separated from the other parent, there is a likelihood that they will not receive child maintenance payments from their ex-partner (according to stats by the National Audit Office). The Scottish Women Budget group has also reported that unaffordable childcare is one of the main reasons women in Scotland tend to reduce their working hours or give up work entirely.
It is this lack of affordable, flexible and accessible childcare paired with financial instability and few job options that can fit around childcare arrangements that women have cited as some of the reasons they felt compelled to started selling sex. A woman responding to our motherhood survey said:
“I started when my bairn was a baby. I didn’t have enough money when I was on maternity leave and his dad left me and the bairn with all the bills … The nursery charged so much and I had to get a car to be able to manage everything cause there is no buses really in the area I live but that was more money.”
A VAWG worker also shared with us the case of a migrant woman who couldn’t get baby formula from her local foodbank, and in her desperation she considered start selling sex:
“A woman with no recourse to public funds … turned up very distraught at a food bank … she was hysterical about the fact that the food bank had no baby milk powder. She was not producing milk for her baby and needed milk powder but could not afford it … she said the only way now for her was to sell herself to buy milk for her baby.
In the end, the foodbank worker was able to buy baby powder from her own pocket. However, this underscores the ways in which poverty can push women into the ‘sex industry’ when options to provide for a child become very narrow or inexistent.
Other women have described being forced to start selling sex by abusive partners or because they became pregnant as a result of the abuse. Whether it is poverty, lack of flexible jobs or gender-based violence, women who sell sex face inequalities that pose multiple challenges as they navigate motherhood.
Having children or not – decisions around motherhood
While for some women, motherhood will precede their involvement in selling sex, this is not the case for everyone. Contrary to the common misconception, many women involved in selling or exchanging sex actively seek to have children. Indeed, some women and researchers have described motherhood as a source of life satisfaction, especially for women in very vulnerable situations. At the same time, not all women in the ‘sex industry’ will get to make decisions around how and when they become pregnant or if they have children or not.
As explored in our Sexual Health insights, high rates of unwanted condom removal and sexual violence by punters means women are at a higher risk of unwanted pregnancy. In this context, women have to make decisions about keeping a pregnancy or not – with termination not an option realistic for all.
One of the main challenges women encounter when making decisions around having children is the stigma that they are ‘unfit to be mothers’. Emily, a participant in a study in Denmark, recalled the judgment she faced when she told her GP she was pregnant:
Other women have described being forced to start selling sex by abusive partners or because they became pregnant as a result of the abuse. Whether it is poverty, lack of flexible jobs or gender-based violence, women who sell sex face inequalities that pose multiple challenges as they navigate motherhood.
Having children or not – decisions around motherhood
While for some women, motherhood will precede their involvement in selling sex, this is not the case for everyone. Contrary to the common misconception, many women involved in selling or exchanging sex actively seek to have children. Indeed, some women and researchers have described motherhood as a source of life satisfaction, especially for women in very vulnerable situations. At the same time, not all women in the ‘sex industry’ will get to make decisions around how and when they become pregnant or if they have children or not.
As explored in our Sexual Health insights, high rates of unwanted condom removal and sexual violence by punters means women are at a higher risk of unwanted pregnancy. In this context, women have to make decisions about keeping a pregnancy or not – with termination not an option realistic for all.
One of the main challenges women encounter when making decisions around having children is the stigma that they are ‘unfit to be mothers’. Emily, a participant in a study in Denmark, recalled the judgment she faced when she told her GP she was pregnant:
“She just condemned me… I have to admit that for a minute I felt that all I had been fighting for lost its significance, I was still seen the same way: a fucking junkie that would not be able to take care of her child.”
Additionally, support workers in our survey reported that services at times will treat women as criminals, question them about being able to provide for or protect a child, and judge them for setting a ‘bad example’. Support staff have also said that some women will internalise this judgemental attitudes:
“A few women have expressed a belief that it's 'inappropriate' for them to want a child and assume that it's a wish unavailable to them.”
On the other hand, for some women there is a constant fear that having children could mean losing them to the care system. These worries can be related to women feeling they can’t provide a safe space – particularly in the face of violence from partners, pimps, clients –, having ongoing substance use issues, and fearing the judgement of services. In our survey, one support staff described the extent of those fears as follows:
“In my experience women believe that if they are seen to be involved in prostitution their child will automatically be removed from them because of their involvement whether the child is at risk of harm or not.”
Other challenges women can face when making decisions around becoming mothers include being told to use contraceptives until their substance use is stabilized; concerns around infertility connected to STIs resulting from their involvement; and some women with prostitution-related criminal records being unable to access adoption or fostering.
Additionally, services have reported instances where women would like to terminate a pregnancy, but are unable to because it is too late to have a termination. As well as women who are prevented from accessing abortions by abusive partners and others controlling their lives.
Pregnancy and related vulnerabilities
While some women will have the option to take time away from selling sex whilst pregnant, others have recounted how the threat from abusers and/or poverty can force them to continue selling sex during pregnancy or return shortly after giving birth. A woman who responded to our survey explained how the need for money meant she had to continue selling sex shortly after having a child:
Additionally, services have reported instances where women would like to terminate a pregnancy, but are unable to because it is too late to have a termination. As well as women who are prevented from accessing abortions by abusive partners and others controlling their lives.
Pregnancy and related vulnerabilities
While some women will have the option to take time away from selling sex whilst pregnant, others have recounted how the threat from abusers and/or poverty can force them to continue selling sex during pregnancy or return shortly after giving birth. A woman who responded to our survey explained how the need for money meant she had to continue selling sex shortly after having a child:
“I stopped escorting when i found out i was pregnant and started again when my children were 6 months old and i stopped breastfeeding. i had to go back for money.”
Involvement whilst pregnant can have multiple negative emotional and physical effects on women. In a study of mothers selling sex on-street, a woman talked about the impact of pregnancy symptoms on her safety when seeing punters:
“I’d be so tired. I was so sleepy ... Oh, you can’t walk around the street if you’re tired. You can’t watch out for yourself as good when you’re sleepy.”
Another woman in the same study described her worries of miscarrying due to violence from punters:
“When someone is having sex with you, they don’t care if you’re pregnant or not. They do it any kind of way ... you know they be having sex rough. They don’t care, banging you know. Having you all kinda twisted all kinda ways. You can’t be doin’ all that while you’re pregnant.”
What is clear from women’s testimonies is that sex buyers actively seek to buy sex from pregnant women and that the violence will not necessarily stop because a woman is pregnant. Indeed, it shows that pregnant women are vulnerable to becoming involved in selling or exchanging sex, particularly when affected by issues like homelessness, poverty, substance use and others issues. And even more, they can be specifically targeted by potential punters, pimps and abusers for involvement in selling sex.
Despite the risks women who sell or exchange sex face whilst pregnant, researchers have found that some women do not receive antenatal support due to the stigma around selling sex and other associated factors like substance use. Ironically, in some cases, that lack of support is exactly what has forced some women to continue selling sex during pregnancy.
Life as mothers – expectations, fear and continued inequality
In spite of the judgment, violence and limited support, many women involved in the ‘sex industry’ do become mothers. Many women will experience highs and lows in their journeys of motherhood but women who sell sex have said they often feel a huge pressure to prove they are “adequate mothers.”
For many women, this can translate into a sense that they are being “surveilled” and that there is little room to make mistakes, otherwise they risk involvement from social services. For those whose children are the result of sexual violence or unwanted pregnancies, there can be a mix of anger, “fear of bonding with the child” – as one worker in our survey put it –, and guilt when women don’t experience the “joy” that society dictates expectant women should feel. Another staff member responding to our survey explained:
Despite the risks women who sell or exchange sex face whilst pregnant, researchers have found that some women do not receive antenatal support due to the stigma around selling sex and other associated factors like substance use. Ironically, in some cases, that lack of support is exactly what has forced some women to continue selling sex during pregnancy.
Life as mothers – expectations, fear and continued inequality
In spite of the judgment, violence and limited support, many women involved in the ‘sex industry’ do become mothers. Many women will experience highs and lows in their journeys of motherhood but women who sell sex have said they often feel a huge pressure to prove they are “adequate mothers.”
For many women, this can translate into a sense that they are being “surveilled” and that there is little room to make mistakes, otherwise they risk involvement from social services. For those whose children are the result of sexual violence or unwanted pregnancies, there can be a mix of anger, “fear of bonding with the child” – as one worker in our survey put it –, and guilt when women don’t experience the “joy” that society dictates expectant women should feel. Another staff member responding to our survey explained:
“The women I have worked with who often have unplanned and unwanted pregnancies have spoken to me about feeling judged because they don't want the child.”
As we have explored above, women will often have to continue selling sex in order to provide for their children and they will have strategies in place to keep their involvement separate from their family life. This often includes keeping their involvement hidden from everyone, including their children. However, women have described the huge strain this can have on their mental health and the fear, worry, guilt and impact it can have on the relationship with their children. One woman in a US study described her anxieties around her daughter finding out:
“... she’ll probably hate me ...‘cause she’ll feel that her mother is no good, has a pimp. She’ll feel that I wasn’t mother enough to go out and get a job and take care of her the right way.”
Another woman involved in the saunas who responded to our survey, shared her worries around losing her son to care:
“I made sure I only worked when he was at his dads or when my folks had him overnight … I kept all that separate but I was so worried someone would find out and it would be made worse for [me] and the bairn. I knew other girls in the sauna whose bairns were taken away when their drugs got too much and they couldn’t cope any more. I didn’t want that for me or my bairn. I was so careful.”
Mothers will go to great lengths to protect their children, and in fact some women have expressed that their children were the main motivator in their decision to stop selling sex. One woman in our survey, for example, shared how her decision related to how she felt about hiding her involvement:
“I wanted to stop and have another job I could be open about and not lie to my children.”
Yet, ongoing issues such as unaffordable or unavailable childcare, inflexible jobs, unresolved substance use issues, abuse and coercion from men in their lives, and a continuum of poverty means women may not be able to exit when they want to. It also means women continue to feel the threat of potential social work involvement paired with what support staff has described as a continuous pressure to change their lives around to prove they are “good mothers.”
Losing children to care – a common experience
As we have seen so far, the fear of losing children to care is a thread that runs through women’s experiences of motherhood. And unfortunately, this fear is very much a reality for a disproportionate number of women involved in selling or exchanging sex in Scotland.
The 2023 Encompass Snapshot found that out of the 53 women supported, 80% disclosed having children removed – this affected 43 children and young people. Very similarly, 83% of the 24 support workers who responded to our motherhood survey said they have supported women involved in selling or exchanging sex whose children have been taken into care or accommodated (including kinship care).
It is important to clarify that in most cases, despite women’s fears, their children are not taken away solely because of their involvement in selling or exchanging sex. However, related issues such as problematic substance use, severe mental health and involvement in the justice system can lead to social work intervening and taking the children into care.
Support workers in our survey also highlighted that at times social workers decision to remove a child are taken before or right after a woman gives birth, which for women can mean dealing with the potential or actual loss of the child before they can build a relationship and bond.
Support workers have also given examples where children are taken away from the women and placed with a partner or family member who is abusive, has substance use issues or has been in the justice system. In our focus group, a substance use worker mentioned the case of a woman who’s abusive husband used her substance use and involvement in selling sex as a way to paint a negative picture of the woman and keep the children.
Women can lose children in custody cases where there is prejudice against a woman because of her involvement in selling or exchanging sex. Researchers in Canada found that women’s involvement in selling sex is actively used by the ex-partner’s legal team to discredit women’s character as mothers, something that mirrors the experience described by UK-based organisations. Support workers in our survey mentioned that custody cases very rarely scrutinise domestic abuse charges or allegations against the father, or ask him if he has ever bought sex.
The impact of losing a child to care can be long-lasting. According to support services, the loss can put some women on a cycle where they decide to have another child only to lose them to care. Workers have also cited examples where women decide to terminate pregnancies for fear of repeating the traumatic experience of losing the child to carelosing another child and going or even attempt to run away with the child.
Services have also described how women can really struggle with the separation, feeling guilty and inadequate, which in turn can affect their relationship with the children. In Inside Outside, Sara Jane talked about this impact:
Losing children to care – a common experience
As we have seen so far, the fear of losing children to care is a thread that runs through women’s experiences of motherhood. And unfortunately, this fear is very much a reality for a disproportionate number of women involved in selling or exchanging sex in Scotland.
The 2023 Encompass Snapshot found that out of the 53 women supported, 80% disclosed having children removed – this affected 43 children and young people. Very similarly, 83% of the 24 support workers who responded to our motherhood survey said they have supported women involved in selling or exchanging sex whose children have been taken into care or accommodated (including kinship care).
It is important to clarify that in most cases, despite women’s fears, their children are not taken away solely because of their involvement in selling or exchanging sex. However, related issues such as problematic substance use, severe mental health and involvement in the justice system can lead to social work intervening and taking the children into care.
Support workers in our survey also highlighted that at times social workers decision to remove a child are taken before or right after a woman gives birth, which for women can mean dealing with the potential or actual loss of the child before they can build a relationship and bond.
Support workers have also given examples where children are taken away from the women and placed with a partner or family member who is abusive, has substance use issues or has been in the justice system. In our focus group, a substance use worker mentioned the case of a woman who’s abusive husband used her substance use and involvement in selling sex as a way to paint a negative picture of the woman and keep the children.
Women can lose children in custody cases where there is prejudice against a woman because of her involvement in selling or exchanging sex. Researchers in Canada found that women’s involvement in selling sex is actively used by the ex-partner’s legal team to discredit women’s character as mothers, something that mirrors the experience described by UK-based organisations. Support workers in our survey mentioned that custody cases very rarely scrutinise domestic abuse charges or allegations against the father, or ask him if he has ever bought sex.
The impact of losing a child to care can be long-lasting. According to support services, the loss can put some women on a cycle where they decide to have another child only to lose them to care. Workers have also cited examples where women decide to terminate pregnancies for fear of repeating the traumatic experience of losing the child to carelosing another child and going or even attempt to run away with the child.
Services have also described how women can really struggle with the separation, feeling guilty and inadequate, which in turn can affect their relationship with the children. In Inside Outside, Sara Jane talked about this impact:
“[My mother] put my son to my ex-husband's and kept my daughter. If she'd kept them together, it would have been so much easier for them but she separated them. She did a lot of damage to my relationship with the kids, to the kids' relationship with each other.”
Additionally, services have described how women can face great difficulties in securing child contact and an uphill battle to recover a child. An Advice and Support worker explained how this is a common experience for women in their service:
“I have worked with women who, as a result of selling/exchanging sex, developed addictions and had their children removed by social services. They had great difficulty ensuring they still had contact with their children and many lost contact altogether even after they were in recovery.”
Although a difficult and traumatic journey, some women have successfully recovered their children. This was the case for Natalia who shared her story in Inside Outside:
“I lost my kids through the drugs and prostitution too. They went to my mums. I had to fight to get them back. It was hard. It was really hard. I did it though. Now we are together again – oh it's great. I'm buzzing.”
As we have seen throughout this article, on the one hand many women in the ‘sex industry’ must navigate a context of inequality, prejudice and fear of intervention from statutory services when making decisions around motherhood. On the other, pregnant women and women with children who are not involved in selling or exchanging sex can be pushed into becoming involved due to issues like poverty and gender-based violence.
It is vital that services are informed about the realities of women who are pregnant, are thinking of having children or are already mothers and are involved in selling or exchanging sex (or considering it) to ensure women can reach and use the supports they need and are entitled to.
Read our practice points to find some practical things you can do to respond to women’s needs in relation to motherhood.
It is vital that services are informed about the realities of women who are pregnant, are thinking of having children or are already mothers and are involved in selling or exchanging sex (or considering it) to ensure women can reach and use the supports they need and are entitled to.
Read our practice points to find some practical things you can do to respond to women’s needs in relation to motherhood.
