Women's experiences of setting boundaries in the 'sex industry'
Our second webinar "Lifting the Curtain" webinar explored how women in the ‘sex industry’ establish boundaries during a sexual encounter. In this article we do a recap, exploring how women set boundaries and the ways in which sex buyers actively override and outright dismiss those boundaries.
"We have sex for lots of reasons – to be kind, to express affection ... Having sex outside these parameters can be destructive and leave us feeling used, empty and depressed. Our bodies absorb the trauma of unwanted sex, even if we agree to it, and money doesn’t change that or compensate for it."
– Mia Doring, writer and woman with lived experience of selling sex
Boundary pushing during a sexual encounter
As we explored previously, before meeting a punter, women will agree things like the sex acts, payment, duration and location of the encounter.
During the sexual encounter, women continue to establish boundaries. They may remind punters of the agreed sex acts, explain what they are not willing to do, require safer sex practices, and use body language and other ways to express boundaries.
Yet, women have shared different ways in which punters actively override those boundaries:
Challenges when reclaiming boundaries
After a violation, women will try to re-establish boundaries. They may terminate the encounter, diffuse the situation to avoid escalation, reiterate their boundaries, and in very few cases, report the situation.
But there are some challenges when attempting to regain control of the situation:
In sum, ensuring consent overwhelmingly falls on the shoulders of those who selling sex. While punters bare little or no responsibility because they see payment as equating access to women’s body without restrictions.
Guest speaker: sex buyers’ reviews and the limitations of consent
Our guest speaker Dr Alessia Tranchese, Associate Professor at the University of Portsmouth, shared her research on punter reviews reveal and consent in the 'sex industry'.
Punter reviews are online forums where men rate the sexual performance, body and behaviour of women who sell sex. They are part of our wider 'review culture' - yet, these reviews can have a real impact on women's consent.
What do sex buyers value/dislike?
When analysing reviews from a punter site, Alessia classified them into positive and negativeand identified the most used phrases in each category:
What do reviews reveal about consent in a sexual transaction?
Looking closer at what punters meant by 'bad attitude', reviews revealed they used this phrase to describe women refusing sex or withdrawing consent.
And when applying the definition of consent in the law, it was clear that punter's reviews described different ways in which they violated women's consent.
The law requires agreement by choice and freedom and capacity to make that choice. It also says that consent can be withdrawn at any time. Yet, punters:
How do these reviews affect women?
Punters use the threat of negative reviews to get away with pushing boundaries, in turn eroding women's ability to refuse sex. Both positive and negative reviews are a tool that either rewards women's compliance or punishes them for setting boundaries.
If you would like to watch the recording of this webinar, please fill out this form and select "Boundaries and consent in the 'sex industry' to get access.
As we explored previously, before meeting a punter, women will agree things like the sex acts, payment, duration and location of the encounter.
During the sexual encounter, women continue to establish boundaries. They may remind punters of the agreed sex acts, explain what they are not willing to do, require safer sex practices, and use body language and other ways to express boundaries.
Yet, women have shared different ways in which punters actively override those boundaries:
- Dismissing women’s boundaries: punters continuing with a sex act even after the woman has said 'no'; doing things that women asked them not to do (e.g. kissing, anal sex); and ignoring women's wellbeing (continuing despite noticing she is scared, in pain, unconscious).
- Coercion: punters can react to women's refusals of sex or sexual acts with threats to report them to managers or agents, to write a negative review (more on this below) or to pay. This can reduce women’s power to set boundaries.
- Deception: punters can do things that undermine women's ability to stay in control of the encounter. For example, secretly recording the encounter and uploading the videos to online platforms; stealing money from women; and even spiking their drinks.
- Use of threat and violence: punters can use violence to impose themselves. Punters can create an atmosphere of fear which puts women off from upholding boundaries. Violence is frequent in the ‘sex industry’, with strangulation and stealthing (removing a condom without women's consent) two common experiences.
Challenges when reclaiming boundaries
After a violation, women will try to re-establish boundaries. They may terminate the encounter, diffuse the situation to avoid escalation, reiterate their boundaries, and in very few cases, report the situation.
But there are some challenges when attempting to regain control of the situation:
- Power dynamics: women may feel powerless due to a punter being physically bigger/stronger or because stigma means they are seen as less credible witnesses. They may also have to factor in the potential loss of business if they respond to these violations.
- Pressures from the industry: the 'sex industry' can also erode women's ability to set boundaries. It often promotes men's pleasure as the priority, leaving women's own needs out of the equation. And the risk to safety is usually accepted as a 'normal' aspect of being involved in selling sex.
- Justice context: there is also the reality that legal systems are not designed to protect women who sell sex. Additionally, negative experiences with the justice system can put them off from reporting.
In sum, ensuring consent overwhelmingly falls on the shoulders of those who selling sex. While punters bare little or no responsibility because they see payment as equating access to women’s body without restrictions.
Guest speaker: sex buyers’ reviews and the limitations of consent
Our guest speaker Dr Alessia Tranchese, Associate Professor at the University of Portsmouth, shared her research on punter reviews reveal and consent in the 'sex industry'.
Punter reviews are online forums where men rate the sexual performance, body and behaviour of women who sell sex. They are part of our wider 'review culture' - yet, these reviews can have a real impact on women's consent.
What do sex buyers value/dislike?
When analysing reviews from a punter site, Alessia classified them into positive and negativeand identified the most used phrases in each category:
- Sex buyers like: women who look young, are good looking, are available for a variety of sex activities, have a good personality.
- Sex buyers don't like: to feel they've wasted their time/money, that they've been ‘cheated’, and women with a 'bad attitude'.
What do reviews reveal about consent in a sexual transaction?
Looking closer at what punters meant by 'bad attitude', reviews revealed they used this phrase to describe women refusing sex or withdrawing consent.
And when applying the definition of consent in the law, it was clear that punter's reviews described different ways in which they violated women's consent.
The law requires agreement by choice and freedom and capacity to make that choice. It also says that consent can be withdrawn at any time. Yet, punters:
- Described women’s possible lack of free choice but framed it as 'bad service.'
- Didn’t recognise women's right to refuse sex or to change their minds about doing a sexual act.
- Took consent for granted on the basis that women have 'agreed to a service' that punters have 'paid for.'
How do these reviews affect women?
Punters use the threat of negative reviews to get away with pushing boundaries, in turn eroding women's ability to refuse sex. Both positive and negative reviews are a tool that either rewards women's compliance or punishes them for setting boundaries.
If you would like to watch the recording of this webinar, please fill out this form and select "Boundaries and consent in the 'sex industry' to get access.
